S3E9: When No Is Not An Option with Carol Koiro

Host Leslie Pagel talks with Carol Koiro about living “to the beat of your own drum” through determination, confidence, and refusing to accept “no.” Carol shares examples of solo travel to Dubai and a trip to Cuba despite others’ doubts. She explains that she has been headstrong since childhood. After tearing both hamstrings, she pivoted from running to triathlon, gradually improving to qualify for the Ironman World Championship in Kona. She describes being diagnosed with colon cancer and later lung cancer (after racing in 2023), having lung surgeries, and choosing to shift focus to new experiences like hiking after moving to Washington State. Carol explains how she identifies fear, researches, breaks challenges into steps, plans for worst-case scenarios, and avoids panic. Leslie reflects that confidence is built by taking action, hearing “no,” failing, and continuing anyway.

00:00 Welcome to Purpose Project

00:41 Meet Carol Koiro

01:16 Solo Trips and Big Ideas

02:48 Headstrong Since Childhood

04:46 From Runner to Kona

05:54 Cancer and Changing Priorities

09:05 Confidence and Fear Research

14:07 Breaking Fear Into Steps

17:58 Figuring It Out in 2020

18:48 Determination Over Proving

20:07 Goals And Purpose Mindset

20:56 Childhood Self Sufficiency

22:28 No Excuses Philosophy

25:02 Life Is Short

26:27 Finding Your Adventure Tribe

29:18 Meeting People In New Places

31:11 Support Network That Enables

33:41 What Holds You Back

34:35 Building Confidence Through Action

37:07 Closing Reflections And Takeaways

Purpose Project is a research study on the topic of living life's purpose. You can follow along in the making of Purpose Project:
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Transcript

Leslie 0:06

Welcome back to Purpose Project. I'm Leslie Pagel, and this season we're exploring what it means to live the beat of our own drum. In today's episode, I sit down with Carol Koiro. Carol is someone who just doesn't take no for an answer. When she sets her mind on something, she accomplishes it. This conversation is about determination, it's about confidence, and it's about not letting other people or other things get in our way. Let's take a listen. Carol, thank you for joining me on Purpose Project. I'm really looking forward to diving in and exploring how you're living life to the beat of your drum.

Carol 0:52

Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Leslie 0:55

Let's start by just, exploring how might someone say you live life to the beat of your own drum?

Carol 1:05

I don't take no for an answer. If I get an idea, I run with it. I have a very supportive husband, thank God. if I get an idea and I wanna do it, I just make it happen.

Leslie 1:16

Give us an example of that.

Carol 1:19

a few years ago I was competing in South Africa, and our trip to get there took us to the Dubai Airport, which was the coolest airport that I had ever been in, and I decided that one day I wanted to come back and visit Dubai. So a friend invited me to join her on a safari, which happened to be in South Africa. So I arranged it so that I went to Dubai for a few days on my own. She went her way with her family, and then we met up in South Africa. So it was like, yeah, I remember I was like, you're, you're going where? You're a female, you're going to Dubai by yourself. And I just did it. And it was the best thing ever. it was just the coolest trip, the coolest place that, probably the most exotic place I've ever been to other than South Africa.

Leslie 2:06

Wow.

Carol 2:07

And I think people were just kind of stunned that why would you wanna go there? And as a female, why would you go there alone?

Leslie 2:15

Right.

Carol 2:16

So it was cool.

Leslie 2:17

Nice.

Carol 2:18

I also did a trip to Cuba and there was. You know, I presented the idea to a bunch of running friends, and one friend was like, oh yeah, that sounds great. And everybody else was like, what? Are you crazy? And that's what we did. We went you back.

Leslie 2:33

So someone would say, you live life to the beat of your drum because. When you get an idea, you go for it. when it comes to things that you wanna do, you just figure it out.

Carol 2:46

Yes. And do it.

Leslie 2:48

I love that. is this something that when you look back at your childhood, where you always like this, or is this something that evolved over time?

Carol 2:58

No. Even as a, a child, I was that way, and, which is kind of funny because I spent a good part of my childhood. Grounded, it's, I felt like. Oh, every time I got ungrounded, I got grounded again. I don't know why, because I was like, I was never in trouble, real trouble. Like, you know, I, I never did drugs. I never smoked, I didn't do anything, but somehow I was always grounded. So, yes, I, I was headstrong and I decided if I was gonna do something, I just did it. I figured out how to do it and I did it. I had a mother who. Didn't, didn't really agree with some of the things I wanted to do and did do.

Leslie 3:40

and what I'm hearing there is, even though as a child you were going out doing the things that you wanted to do, being punished for it, being grounded, didn't hold you back either.

Carol 3:57

No. and I don't know if it was just because. I was kind of headstrong and I didn't, I never agreed that what I was doing was wrong. So therefore you can ground me, but it's not gonna stop me from doing what I'm doing because you're wrong. I'm not wrong.

Leslie 4:17

Well, and you shared a little bit of your story with me when we first connected, but your headstrong, your. I'm not gonna take no for an answer. Has served you well in, in your lifetime, correct? Correct. I'm thinking specifically about your, your career, but also your competitive, athlete as well. Can you share a little bit more about that?

Carol 4:46

Yeah. I used to be a runner and tore both my hamstrings. So somebody in my office said, well, I'm gonna sign up for a half iron, man, you wanna do it with me? I'm like, sure, why not? So figured it out, bought a bike, started swimming, did the race, did horribly, but finished and decided I wanted to do better. So I managed to, over the course of about eight years. Get better enough that I made it to the Ironman World Championship in Kona. so it was just, you know, mind over matter, having a type A personality, you know, figured out, find the resources, get it done, you know, be committed to the sport, committed to the training. And have somebody who was, you know, backing me on it also, and putting out with my crazy hours and, getting it done. And me basically competing in the Pinnacle race, which is the Ironman World Championship.

Leslie 5:46

Wow.

Carol 5:47

And then after that, stepped away for a lot of reasons.

Leslie 5:51

So when was this, when you stepped away?

Carol 5:54

So that was in, I raced in 2023 and then when I got back from the race, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. So, which was, found because I had had colon cancer after another race, another world championship. so had a couple of lung surgeries and just really haven't. a had the motivation to get back in shape and put that amount of work into, becoming that, that level of athlete again, but also just, you know, there's too many other things out there now to experience and do so. Not anywhere near. I was, you know, in the fitness world, but, you know, I'm doing other things now. We, we've made a major move across the country. You know, I'm hiking now. We're learning, exploring new places on the, the West coast, so it's all good.

Leslie 6:42

Yeah. So Carol, what I'm hearing is you don't take no for an answer and that has taken you to incredible places, destinations. It is also, equipped you to compete at the highest level of a extremely difficult sport of triathlon. Mm-hmm. Then on top of it, I, I heard that one, one kind of medical situation has kept you from coming back. Not just that, but other things happening in your life, but that you had another medical situation earlier too, that you sounds like you pushed through and competed.

Carol 7:27

Yeah, so I had, I was in triathlon, it was actually two years after I got into seriously competing. And I came back from, well, that trip from to, South Africa. I came back from, and I was diagnosed with colon cancer, which came out of left field.'cause again, I was. The healthiest I had ever been. I had a healthy lifestyle, ate right, never smoked, didn't drink, you know, did all the right things. and yeah, when I was laying in that hospital bed after I had surgery, you know, my goal was to skip back competing again and compete at a world championship. About three years later, I was competing at, in Outta the World Championship in, Utah, except Ironman 70.3, so half that Ironman distance. I decided I was gonna do it. I fought my way back and then honestly, thank God I had colon cancer because that's how they found the lung cancer. Was, you know, screenings for colon cancer. So

Leslie 8:25

really

Carol 8:25

So, when we found out that I had lung cancer, you know, at that time I was, my goal was still to get back to racing and, you know, I had two surgeries for it and. You know, over time I just, it was okay. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't, it was hard to get back to that level of fitness again, but it was okay because life was happening, so.

Leslie 8:50

Mm-hmm.

Carol 8:50

in my head, it's not that somebody told me no, it's that I am listening to myself and saying, you know what? I don't really wanna do it. It's not on my scorecard anymore.

Leslie 9:00

Right.

Carol 9:00

You know, onto other things.

Leslie 9:02

Yeah,

Carol 9:03

Kind of where I am now.

Leslie 9:05

So to the extent possible, take me into your mindset and in a little bit of context, what's underneath the question is, for, for others, me included, when I have an idea. I don't just go all for it. like I hear from you. it seems to be so natural for you I get ideas I want so bad to go through it, but there's all these things that that get in the way. But you don't seem to have those or do you?

Carol 9:43

I kind of, I'm able to figure out what scares me and what stops me, and then do the research and kind of do some self searching and, well, why am I scared? And then kind of tweeze out, you know, what's scaring me and how I can get over that, that fear. I also, I had a cousin who I really respected and, he should be on your show, but unfortunately he passed. I mean, he put his mind to something and he just did it. And I don't know if it's the genetics or because I always looked up to him so much. I mean, yeah, I don't think he climbed ever Everest. He climbed one of the Kilimanjaro. He climbed Kilimanjaro. Like he, he, he started this multimillion dollar business. He decided he was gonna do something and he figured it out. And I always like try to emulate Brian, like Brian's in the back of my head all the time because somehow he figured it out. So, you know, I feel like it's the same with me. you know, I have friends who support me and, and friends who, you know, I, I tend to gravitate towards people who have no limits. And and again, I do the, their research. I figure out what, if it's something that scares me or if somebody's telling me I can't do it, or putting that idea in my head, I kind of, okay, why are they saying I can't do it? Do the research. Oh no, they're wrong. They're the ones that scared. That's scared I can do it.

Leslie 11:07

Right. Right.

Carol 11:08

So I think it's having the confidence go forward and confidence to, you know, do a deep dive into. Why somebody's telling me I can't do it or why I think I can't do it before I say I can't do it.

Leslie 11:21

what I hear is I have the confidence in myself to be able to do this. And it doesn't mean that I'm not scared. It doesn't mean that. Mm-hmm. I don't work through it and figure it out, but it starts with my confidence. And then someone else might say, you can't do that. Well, I'm confident that I can. So I kind of do the research, look into it and realize, no, you're wrong. I'm right. But it, but what I hear is you have no doubt in your mind.

Carol 12:01

Yeah, pretty much. And I don't know if it's maybe me being stupid, you know, ignorance is bliss kind of a thing, or if, if it's just that confidence. But then, you know, I also tend to, I gravitate towards people who have the same mindset and I try to keep an open mind and I try to find people who also have an open mind about, you know, doing these crazy things sometimes. Um. And, and I, I don't think anybody's ever really tried to talk me out of something. It's just, oh, why would you wanna do that? Why would you wanna go to Dubai? Because like, the biggest and the best are there, you know,

Leslie 12:41

and what, I have seen. when someone responds that way, well, why would you wanna do that? That plants a little bit of doubt in the mind and that little bit of doubt can fester. but with you, it just feels like. I'm confident no one's gonna like, deter me from my path. I, I am. once I'm convicted, I'm going for it and there's no stopping me.

Carol 13:13

It's hold my beer. You think I can't do it? Hold my beer. Watch me. Maybe I was just obstinate growing up too, because I remember my mother telling me things. like an example is my mother used to tell me that, girls don't lift weights. And I used to, so I, I must have been freshman or sophomore in high school when I. I had a job, I had a weekend job, so I found the gym. I joined the gym and I used to sneak outta the house, go to the gym because my mother said, no, you can't do it. Maybe that's why I got grounded doing stuff like that. But again, I wasn't smoking, I wasn't standing on the street corner. I was going to the gym and being healthy, but that.

Leslie 13:57

Have you ever not been successful?

Carol 14:02

I can't think of anything. I might not do it well, but I'll do it and get it done.

Leslie 14:08

could we go back to, you talked about you're, it doesn't mean that you're not scared. what are you doing to under, to like. Observe, oh, I'm scared. And, and know that you need to work through that process.

Carol 14:28

So an example, and maybe this is kind of a superficial example, but like going back to the triathlon stuff and, competing. So I had. 20% of one lung taken out, 10% of the other lung taken out, and I was supposed to do a half iron man four months after the second surgery. And I just, I couldn't breathe. I mean, I always thought I was suffocating. And the hardest part of the race for me is always the swim. And the scariest part. And, I decided, you know, I was scared to death to do the swim. I knew I wasn't gonna do the whole race. I couldn't do the whole race'cause I just couldn't get myself in shape. So I decided I was gonna go do the swim'cause I had to get over the fear of drowning. Scared outta my head, standing in line, getting ready to get in the water. But my mindset was, you know, I just gotta get to the starting line. And then once I'm at the starting, like just taking it step by step, okay, now I'm gonna jump in the water and there's gonna be, people are all around me, beating on me, but okay, what's, what's the worst thing that's gonna happen? I'm not gonna drown. There's people out there who are gonna help me if I, if I. Feel like I'm drowning. Okay? I'm not gonna drown. What's the worst thing that could possibly happen? I'm gonna feel like I can't breathe. Okay? How am I gonna deal with not being able to breathe? I'm gonna swim over to the side. I'm gonna flip on my back and just catch my breath, and then what am I gonna do? Then I'm gonna take a couple more strokes and get going again. What am I gonna do if I, I can't breathe again. I'm gonna get on my back and I'm gonna float a little bit. So it's like, all right, let, let's figure out what's the worst thing that can happen, okay? Now how are we gonna deal with that? Worst thing that's gonna happen? So,

Leslie 16:20

yeah,

Carol 16:21

I think the important thing is to break it up into pieces and then figure out how you're gonna deal with each of those pieces.

Leslie 16:28

Mm-hmm.

Carol 16:29

Yeah, and it sucked. The swim sucked. I thought I was gonna drown'cause I couldn't breathe. But again, I was able to. All right. I had already thought this through. You know, I just gotta, as long as I have control of my mind and my thoughts and what's going on, and I, you know, I don't panic. It's all about panic. If you panic, you're done. And I was able to keep myself from panicking. And I feel like, you know, in any situation, you, you decide you're gonna do something. Yeah. You might panic and then you're gonna lose control of the situation. If you can keep control of the situation. If you can keep control of your. Your thoughts and, and how you're reacting to things, then you can, I mean, the mind is a pretty powerful thing. You can get yourself through something, through anything.

Leslie 17:15

So I'm hearing, awareness of what is causing your fear swimming.

Carol 17:22

Mm-hmm.

Leslie 17:23

And then planning ahead. How am I gonna deal with it when I'm in the water? And I, and if I feel this way, this way or this way, you know, what am I gonna do? Exactly. And then after that, what am I gonna do as well? Right,

Carol 17:39

right.

Leslie 17:39

Yeah.

Carol 17:40

Right.

Leslie 17:40

Love that. Are there other things like fear that you've had to face and, and work through?

Carol 17:50

I think it's just the process. You know, looking at what the process is and, and working through the process. Mm-hmm. I keep going back to my races, but like for a solid eight years, my life revolved around racing. And I remember 2020 when the whole world went crazy and I signed up for a race in Oregon. That was in 2021, so one of the first races back. And everybody's saying to me, you can't do that. You can't tra like there's, there's still no travel, there's no, there aren't any rental cars. You know, there's, there's no hotels. Nobody wants you staying in their house. Like, you can't do that. I'm like. What do mean? I can't do it. I found, you know, I called U-Haul and, and said, you know, can I rent a truck from you? Yes. But it would be too expensive. Okay. Can I take a a bus for two hours with all my gear in my bus? Like, there was just, you just figure it out, you know? Mm-hmm. And, and I feel like people throw up their own barriers. Their own, their own reasons. Their own nos. Mm-hmm. You know, I just. I don't know. I've just always been able to figure it out.

Leslie 19:01

Is there an element of determination underneath it? I'm hearing that where there's, you know, no's not an answer. I just figure it out. To me, when I hear that, it's like, is it, I want this so bad that I'm gonna make it happen? Or is it I'm gonna prove people wrong? Or all the above? What's underneath the drive?

Carol 19:30

no, I think it's determination, you know? Mm-hmm. I, because I feel like proving people wrong is those people taking control of me and who I am and my life. You know? Right. I, I don't need to prove myself to anybody, you know, I'm proving it to myself. I, I set goals and I meet those goals because it's important to me. I don't really care, you know, what other people think about it.

Leslie 19:54

Do you, have you always been a goal setter? Is this something that's, been with you since a little girl or,

Carol 20:05

yeah.

Leslie 20:06

yeah,

Carol 20:07

yeah.

Leslie 20:07

I mean, what's, going through my mind is this podcast is all about helping people live a life of purpose. And, season three is really about, talking with people like you who. Don't let anything hold them back. trying to understand how can we learn from people like Carol so that other people can have that determination, they can, overcome their fears and things like that. and what I'm hearing is goals. Are important, which is a part of purpose too, right? Like, I wanna live. Mm-hmm. I wanna live a life of purpose that's being clear on how you wanna live your life. You know? It's kind of like a goal in some ways,

Carol 20:56

I think some of it also comes from, you know, growing up in a family with five kids. My father worked, my mother was the, you know, the stay at home mom trying to herd five kids, and me being the second in the pecking order, you know, she, she was. More taking care of the three younger ones. If I wanted to do something or go somewhere, I had to figure it out because she wasn't driving us around. She wasn't driving me around.

Leslie 21:22

Mm-hmm.

Carol 21:23

And, you know, so I had to be self-sufficient and figure out how I was gonna get somewhere, how I was gonna do something if I wanted to do it. so I think part of it is how, how bad do you want it? You know, what's your why and how bad do you want it?

Leslie 21:39

Right.

Carol 21:39

you know, whatever my goal was, whatever I decided I wanted to do, you know, whether it was take a trip somewhere or, you know, get to the beach, you know, even though there was, you know, we were one town away from a. Beach. There was a bridge in between and you couldn't ride your bike over that bridge. So I remember, you know, on multiple occasions, I would ride my bike not only in the summer, but in the winter, four towns away, over two big bridges to either go to the beach or to the ice skating rink that was over in that town. And it's like, I just wanted it that bad now. I threw my ice skates over my shoulder and I got on my old rickety Sears robot, 10 speed bike and bundled up and I rode my bike for 10 miles to get to the skating rink. So it's How bad do you want it?

Leslie 22:28

What do you, what are your, opinions, beliefs about excuses?

Carol 22:39

You know what I, I can't judge that people have excuses for reasons, and it wouldn't be right for me to judge those people. You know? I just, okay, you don't wanna do it because of this reason. Here are some suggestions. If you don't wanna go after it on your own, then. That's on you. What about

Leslie 23:00

for you?

Carol 23:03

meaning coming from myself, if I make an excuse mm-hmm. I just don't want it. Yeah.

Leslie 23:08

Yeah.

Carol 23:09

And then that kind of, if I am making an excuse, I'm making the excuse to appease somebody else.

Leslie 23:15

Oh, really? Say more about that.

Carol 23:20

say somebody wants me to go somewhere with them and I don't wanna hurt their feelings and or, I don't wanna be involved, whatever they want me to do, then I'll find an excuse rather than hurt their feelings.

Leslie 23:32

Right. yeah. That makes sense. So excuses for you suggest one. I don't want it that bad, you know, if I'm willing to, if I'm gonna make an excuse it, it tells me that it's not, I don't have that same level of determination. Have you ever, encountered a situation where you've already talked about situations where people were like, you can't do that, and then you did it. But have you ever encountered that where it did give you pause where it maybe did chip away at some of that confidence that you had?

Carol 24:17

I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

Leslie 24:21

I love that.

Carol 24:23

I think it would be something big if, if it was, if there was. Mm-hmm. And, I can't think of anything.

Leslie 24:28

I love that. I do because it really is at the heart of the season. people living their own drumbeat, you know, and a part of that is keeping going despite the social norms that are around, letting them hold us back social norms come at us. Through our friends, our families, our work, you know, they come at us in all different avenues. but just not letting it deter you. You know, this is your life. You're gonna live it the way you want.

Carol 25:01

Yep. And coming from, you know, the two health scares I've had, I feel like yeah, life is short. You gotta grab it,

Leslie 25:09

you

Carol 25:10

know?'cause you might not have it. And even just like, again, in my competing life and you know, the bad things I've seen happen, you know, at races and training, you know, between bike accidents and drownings and everything, you're not guaranteed tomorrow, not guaranteed tonight. So, you know, I just feel like if I want something, I'm going after it.

Leslie 25:35

How do the ideas or the desires, how do they come to you? Is it something where you're, out walking and just it comes and then you latch onto it? Or

Carol 25:49

A lot of times it's reading or I hear from, you know, somebody else that they, they've tried something or done something. but I'd say majority of the time it's reading and like. Well, like Dubai, that was because I happened to go through that airport, mm-hmm. On my Cuba trip. That was because I read about a race, you know, in Cuba. So we figured out how to get there. you know, friends that, that, Hey, you wanna do? Sure. Why not? Sounds like a great idea, Uhhuh, because I've got some, like I said, I gravitate towards people who are the same way and

Leslie 26:25

yeah. Yeah, you mentioned that I am curious how you find them.

Carol 26:37

One, I, I met at a camp, a training camp.

Leslie 26:41

Mm-hmm.

Carol 26:42

And she is this, Woman who she, she's just this, she's like five foot. she's not a great athlete, but she is very consistent and determined and she just goes out. She decides she's gonna do something and she does great things. I mean, she was never a good swimmer. She swam around Key West. 12 and a half miles. She, she was supposed to do Ironman, South Africa this past weekend, but something happened and she couldn't, but like, she is not, she's not built like an athlete that like you, you know, she's not the tall, skinny person that you see it, you know, you would think of as an athlete, but she is persistent and she's consistent and she's determined. we always get in touch with each other. You know, I have a shenanigan you up for some shenanigans. What do you wanna do? Swim around Key West. Cool. Let's do it. You know, it's just, I have another friend who, again, through triathlon and it, this one's funny because we, she had an Airbnb that I just happened to find online and I ended up at her staying at her house and she's a cyclist and she used to be a triathlete and she's another one. She just like. Hey, I'm gonna rent a house in Breckenridge for the year, for or for the summer. There's a donkey race out there. You wanna come out and do a donkey race with me? What do you mean? Well, we run through the desert with donkeys. Sure. Let's do it. These people just find me or I find them.

Leslie 28:12

Oh, oh.

Carol 28:13

But it just, and then you just kind of, you know, once you find each other, it's like this little ball of lint that just keeps growing and growing.

Leslie 28:21

Yeah.

Carol 28:21

and what, there's some people that you keep in your life.

Leslie 28:24

Yeah. And what I was thinking as you were sharing is you have to put yourself out there to find other people that are putting themselves out there.

Carol 28:34

Right,

Leslie 28:35

right.

Carol 28:36

And the other thing too, I try to get out there and do. Different, you know, different things and new things and, you know, even, yeah, we just moved to Washington State. And, you know, I'm not, I'm getting out, I'm finding the bike people, I'm finding, you know, I, I'm finding the sailing people, like I'm finding those people. I'm not sitting at home. I wanna be out there. And, you know, it's a lot of people just pass you by, but other people, you know, the right people just kind of stick with you. You again, that ball of lint, you just keep collecting those people. So I've got little lint balls all over the country from all the places I've lived

Leslie 29:18

I hear more so from younger, the younger generations, that it's harder. to meet people. And here I'm hearing from you, I just moved to Washington. I'm getting out there, you know, I am, I'm meeting my people. Any advice that you have for, well, anyone at any age really that is wanting to kind of meet their tribe, but they're having a hard time.

Carol 29:47

figure out what you'd like to do and then find those people. my first friend, here on Whitby Island in Washington, I found, because when we were deciding whether or not we wanted to make this move, we decided we need to find who the triathlon crowd was here. So, my husband did a search. We found this woman in a newspaper article online. Then I found her on Facebook. she called me. We talked for an hour. We came a few weeks later for my interview. We had dinner with her, and we're friends now. And then she brought other people in and it's all because of triathlon. I was able to, I mean, social media as, as terrible as it is, it's. It's also huge for meeting people. there's an open water swim group here. I was able to hook up with them before I even got here, so it's, I feel like it's so much easier and you don't have to be going out to bars and meeting people. You just gotta figure out what you like to do. Book club, I'm a member of a book club. I've met more people there, so there are so many. Unless you're somebody who just wants to sit home and do nothing, it's impossible not to meet something or, or people, if you go out and do the things you like to do.

Leslie 30:58

Yeah.

Carol 30:58

Especially at this day and age when social media is so easy.

Leslie 31:02

But figuring out what you like to do and then you've gotta put yourself out there too. I mean, that's just part of it.

Carol 31:08

Oh yeah.

Leslie 31:08

making ourself uncomfortable.

Carol 31:11

Yeah.

Leslie 31:11

Could you talk a little bit about your support network? What does that look like for, for your closest, support system? what do you rely on from them? Or does it cause any challenges? with them. What does that look like?

Carol 31:31

my husband is my main support. especially with us moving. So he's very patient. He will take care of the dogs if I have to get up early and go train, which is not happening as much here. But, I mean, I still, I'll go out and meet the bike crowd or, You know, my book club, whatever. you know, he takes, he holds down the Ford at home and he is very patient that way. So I'm fortunate that way. even with my travel, so my grandmother first met my husband, she warned him that I am a travel lust and to be, Aware that I might just take off, not that I just take off, but I like to travel and he can't always travel with me. And you know, we, the way our jobs were when we were living in Florida, like I had a lot of time off. He didn't, so I was able to go off and do things and, you know, he was patient about that and, you know, held down things at home.

Leslie 32:25

Yeah.

Carol 32:25

And then I had a, a big support network, you know, in for training when I was in Florida. we would all support each other with training and then try to go to the same races together and be there for each other. So, you know, that community alone is a, a very supportive network to have being involved in traveling.

Leslie 32:44

Yeah. Well, and what I'm hearing with your husband is. he, he knew what he was signing up for, basically.

Carol 32:53

he really did though.

Leslie 32:54

Oh, really?

Carol 33:01

she's told him I'd like to travel a lot. Told him how if I decided I was doing something, I was doing it,

Leslie 33:08

but he didn't like He didn't observe that in you.

Carol 33:12

He may have. Yeah. I'm trying to think because it, you know, gosh, it was so long ago. I'm sure he did. I think he probably knew what he was getting into to some extent.

Leslie 33:23

But he's never held, I mean, it doesn't sound like he's ever held you back. He sounds like he's been supportive Very much so.

Carol 33:30

You do you?

Leslie 33:31

Yeah,

Carol 33:31

Which is huge because you know, I hear of people who don't have that support and who, I can't do that because my husband says I can't. What do you mean your husband says you can't? Whatcha talking about.

Leslie 33:41

what advice would you offer to anyone that's listening to this that's. You know, maybe being held back by, social norms or by other things. Any advice that you have?

Carol 33:55

Figure out why you're being held back. You know what, again, it's the fear, you know, are you being held back because you're allowing yourself to be held back, or because you want to be held back? Need to figure out why you're being held back.

Leslie 34:09

Right.

Carol 34:10

You know, is it an excuse. Because of confidence, you know, not having the confidence to do whatever it is that you're thinking about doing. You know, is it an excuse to say, well, you know, such and such so and so is holding me back.

Leslie 34:27

so figure out why, what's holding you back? Is it fear? Is it an excuse? And then just tackle it when you, mm-hmm. You talked about your confidence. Is there anything that you do to, build your confidence? I mean, obviously all the time that you go for something, you're building that muscle, but is there any other practice or routine that you have for building your confidence?

Carol 34:59

I can't think of anything off the top of my head. again, other than, you know, defining what scares me and then researching using resources to help to get over that fear, combat that fear.

Leslie 35:20

Do you do that through journaling, through meditation, through any type of practice of, you know, identifying the fear, how, when are you doing that? How does that look?

Carol 35:37

I don't have anything formal that I do. It's more. ID you know, if I, if I feel like there's something that is holding me back or scaring me about, you know, proceeding with whatever it is I want to do or I think I want to do, it's more breaking it into its components in my head Then taking it step by step to overcome whatever it is that's holding me back.

Leslie 36:10

Yeah.

Carol 36:10

like a simple example is this weekend I'm doing a bike ride that I haven't trained, trained by any stretch of the imagination. Four, and I'm kind of afraid of it, but I've broken down it down in my head and I know that if I have to walk up the hill, I'm walking up the hill, do the walk of shame, you know, and it's, again, it's not gonna kill me. It might be a little bit uncomfortable, but it's just gut sing through it. Mm-hmm. Getting over that fear. Fear of failure or the fear. Fear of being really uncomfortable.

Leslie 36:50

Carol, any other advice that you have?

Carol 36:53

Not that I can think of,

Leslie 36:56

I appreciate you, being on the show. I appreciate you living to the beat of your drum and thank you. Thank you. After this conversation with Carol, I was struck by her self-confidence. She has this unwavering belief in herself, and it made me realize that I don't always carry that same level of confidence in me, but I want to. I want to be like Carol. As I listened back to this episode, I was reminded of something important, that confidence isn't built by sitting on the couch. It is built by going out there and doing, by putting ourselves out there, by hearing no and continuing anyway, by failing and learning that we can get back up Every time we act, even when we act imperfectly, we are building our confidence muscle, Confidence is built not before we begin, but because we begin. Carol, thank you for being on the show, and thanks to all of you for tuning in. Don't just listen for your rhythm. Go out there and dance to it. Purpose Project is brought to you for education and for entertainment purposes. This podcast is not intended to replace the advice that you would receive from a licensed therapist or doctor or any other qualified professional.